Life moving on

I haven’t blogged since the end of 2013.  I’m honestly not sure exactly where to start again.

First and most important, I am healthy.  I don’t want anyone thinking anything different.

Life has been interesting and challenging.  Cancer does change so many things.  I do try to make sure it never controls me.  I have said it many times.  Cancer is what I had, not who I am.

Someone very wise called me a “Thriver” rather than a Survivor.  I kind of like that.

So, if you’re interested in following me again.  I will get you caught up on things over the next while.

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My Family

Two posts in one day!

It seems that there are times when just saying your family has been so special in a post is not enough.  I really should have made it far more clear how important they were to me this year, instead of simply writing “2013 brought a new meaning to the word Family”

So let’s start with my husband Richard

  • he was my rock this year.  I really couldn’t have got through all of this without him
  • he made sure I stayed in the moment, and didn’t get ahead of myself
  • he made sure I didn’t read what I wasn’t supposed to, and I know he stayed up researching everything when I wasn’t looking
  • he kept the family functioning when I was not able to 
  • cancer brought us closer and made us realize what is important and what’s not
  • I thank you and I love you

My girls Carly & Hailey

  • telling them I had cancer was truly one of the hardest things I had to do last year, much harder than actually getting chemo.
  • they were my reason for fighting
  • they were the ones that made me understand that chemo was for making sure it didn’t come back.
  • they kept it all real for me and did not let me be a cancer victim
  • I thank you and I love you

My Mom

  • when you’re a Mom, the last thing you ever want is for your child to get sick, doesn’t matter what age you are
  • when you’re a Mom that has had cancer and now is watching her own daughter go through it treatment, I think it’s harder on many levels
  • my Mom, jumped into “mom mode” as soon as I told her what was going on
  • I thank you and i love you

Nava & Wayne

  • they were the first to always offer to take me to the hospital, call to see if I was ok, and drop off food without ever asking what I needed
  • yes, cancer brought us closer.  I spent a lot of time with Nava at the hospital, and had some very special time in Israel with Wayne this summer
  • I love you and I thank you

Jeffrey & Naomi

  • my diagnosis was really difficult on my brother and sister in law.  
  • With a new baby, my beautiful niece Piper, their time was occupied with all good things, and the beautiful smiles from my niece.
  • but when it counted, there were there
  • I love you and I thank you

Auntie Nessie

  • Although you were in Winnipeg, you were there every step of the way
  • Your messages, texts, and the meals you sent meant the world to me
  • I love you and I thank you

I am so grateful to have the family that I do, and their strength and love took me through some really dark days.

I’m looking forward to sharing wonderful happy times that will make us all smile in 2014

Love you ❤

 

 

Ending 2013 and Starting 2014

Needless to say, there is a lot about 2013 that I would rather not have had happen…ok…that’s one heck of an understatement!!

But they do say (honestly not sure who “they” are) that some good things come out of not good things, and I’m going to focus on those.

  • I discovered an inner strength I never knew I had
  • It brought a new meaning to the word Family
  • I made some very special friends over this year that I hold very dear to my heart and I know will be lifelong friends. 
  • New friends that reached out to me, acquaintances that became good friends, and friends I only knew through Facebook became such a special part of my life that I so cherish
  • I renewed some long lost friendships, unfortunately cancer did push a few friends away as well, but I’m not going to dwell on them.
  • I threw the baseball out at the Blue Jays game, and threw a strike!
  • I was honored to speak at the press conference to introduce the new clinical drug that Dr. Tak Mak & Dr. Dennis Slamon developed with the monies raised through WEWC
  • I was a Breakfast Television, and was showered with gifts.
  • I was humbled to be part of the survivor circle along with the other amazing survivors at Weekend to End Woman’s Cancers
  • My story has been featured in the PMCC Financial Statement, in the North York Post, and in the Feb issue of Canadian Living Magazine.
  • I’ve been interviewed by a few TV and radio stations including CP24 right after my last chemo session
  • I was part of a video done to help orientate those going into chemo
  • People were so wonderfully generous with their time for me, cooking, sending amazing special gifts, sending message of love and support, things I will never forget
  • Grateful to my Doctors that they were able to arrange my chemo schedule so that I could join my family in Israel and watch Carly compete at the Maccabi games, we had such an incredible time
  • Thankful to my Doctor friends who helped me understand what was going on, helping me decipher the terminology, fitting me into a busy schedule to put in my port
  • Thankful to the Chemo Daycare nurses for being such compassionate people, and holding my hand when I was scared
  • Thankful for all the support from everyone at the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation and my teammates at Trade Secrets as they stayed by me through my journey
  • I had wonderful support from everyone I work with, and they made it easy for me to work through my treatment, and were so understanding of when I was limited in what I could do.

I’m sure there are things I’m forgetting, but memory is one of the things that gets messed with when you go through chemo and radiation.

2013 ended with a smile as good friends from New Jersey came in to send it off with a smile, and bring in 2014 with a bigger one.  I am so blessed to have such special people in my life that it brings tears to my eyes as I’m writing this.

Here’s to a better 2014 for everyone!!

Happy New Year 🙂

Hugs, Randy

 

My Birthday

Birthdays are a funny thing.  We all know they happen once a year, and we all know when ours is coming.  And of course everyone around us makes a big deal over them.  We also all take our birthdays for granted.

When you’ve had cancer or any other life threatening thing happen to you, you realize that nothing in life can ever be taken for granted again.  Kind of takes some of the innocence of birthdays out of the equation forever.  We’re just happy to have them!!

So, I’m a year older, and for someone who has had cancer…we celebrate rather than worry about the number.  My friends, my wonderful amazing friends and family, both those physically and those virtually in my life sent me awesome good wishes.  They kept coming in by phone, email, text and Facebook!  Thank you!  My blackberry didn’t stop pinging all day!  I loved each and everyone.  Made me understand that I am alive, and will keep on living.

 I had Cancer, it did not have me…..life goes on….and so do birthdays!!

The timing of my birthday this year (although it is the same every year 😉 ) has a little more meaning to me than it has in past years. Being on Dec 18th, only 2 weeks before the end of the year, always meant I could contemplate the coming year. Never has that been more significant than this year.  But that’s for another blog…..I’m not sure I’m ready to write about that yet.

Happy Birthday to me….yay!

 

Hugs

One of the things I love most about Facebook is the ability to feel the love.  It really warms my heart to know there are so many people out there that truly care, and take the time to post something nice.

Yesterday, I was having a bad day.  Nothing at all to do with my health, thank-goodness.  Well, maybe sort of.  iIt had to do with something that happened at work.  Without getting into any details, there are some changes happening which will ultimately be good for me.  But with anytime there is change, there is uncertainly.  This year has already been filled with so much uncertainty, that I just felt pushed over the edge yesterday.

I’m trying so hard to make that transition from “Surviving” to “Thriving”.  One would think it would be fairly easy, after all, I survived breast cancer!!  It’s not so simple.  The treatment part is almost done.  Now it’s my head space I need to work on.  I feel very vulnerable most of the time, and my emotions are so heightened, that what seems like an innocent comment, can literally had me in tears barely able to cope.

I know I should be able to give myself some slack, but it’s a hard thing to do.  I just want things to be like they were.  And I know they never will be.  I have to find that place that works for me again.  I still find it hard to concentrate and stay focused.  I feel like I’m under a microscope at work.  I know I’m not, but it’s how I’m feeling.

I think it’s time for me to find a support group that will meet my needs.  It’s hard to do.  I kept working through my treatment, and most don’t and the groups are not geared to that.  Most seem to meet during the day which is great for those that don’t work, but that’s not me.   I know, one step at a time.  When I see my new Oncologist, I will ask him about a referral. 

Anyway, back to the hugs….thanks you for each and every hug and message!  They really do mean a lot to me.  To be honest, you all are really THE BEST SUPPORT GROUP! 

BIG HUGS TO ALL OF YOU!!!

My bra :)

Well…if the title of this post didn’t catch your attention, I’m not sure what will…LOL!

When you’ve gone through surgery for breast cancer, then chemotherapy, and radiation, there are milestones that make you smile. They might seem crazy to most people, but to all of us that have been through this, I know you will smile and chuckle a little at this post.

I WORE  MY LOVELY UNDERWIRE LACEY BRA TODAY!!!!  AND IT FELT FABULOUS 🙂

No more “grandma” bras because of surgery, no more “grandma” bras because of radiation.

Special thanks goes out to Rhonda at Legs Plus and Bra Boutique on Leslie north of Finch.  Rhonda helped me find a bra I could wear after surgery, and then another bra for during and after radiation.  Most people don’t realize that these are the types of things that we have to consider.  When you have small breasts, its not as hard to find these things as when you have larger ones!

I loved it when the nurses would tell me…oh just go without a bra!!  Well, needless to say, “my girls” need support, so that wasn’t happening in my world.  Plus did I mention that I worked through all my treatment….braless just wasn’t going to happen.  And then they tell you, “get a sportsbra”  again great for the small chested woman…but us more endowed woman, well picture yourself with a shelf for a chest…not a pretty picture….and again did I mention I worked through all my treatment.

So….Rhonda helped me and “my girls” be the best they could with the challenges we faced 🙂

Next stop….back to see Rhonda and get myself a very pretty new wonderful bra!!

woohoo!!

Herceptin #8

Done!

Felt good to just go, get plugged in, spend some time with my fav nurse Manny at PMCC, and then leave 🙂

You meet all kinds of people while in Chemo Daycare, and you realize that cancer really plays no favourites at all.  I was in an area where there were 6 of us.  One gentleman was from Italy, and clearly had not lacked from anything in his life, one man thought he was really funny with his loud comments (he wasn’t) , one young woman was there for her first chemo, and another woman a little older than me, half way through.  You kind of become all one big group sharing your life for the time you’re there.  

I got up to leave, and it was like saying good bye to a group of friends 🙂  They all said…”so soon”…I had to laugh!

After the Herceptin, I went to the One of a Kind show with Nava.  All we did was eat and buy some serving pieces.  It’s what we do.  It was nice to have a day for me.

In January, I get a new Oncologist, Dr. Warr.  When I was at PMCC for my Herceptin, I saw him.  He had a kind face, so that made me smile.  So I’m hoping that a new Oncologist and a new year, are a great new start to 2014.  There was nothing wrong with my old Oncologist, she just split her time between 2 types of cancers, as did Dr. Warr, so now she has chosen to specialize in the other kind, and Dr. Warr is specializing in breast cancer.  So I’m guessing that’s a good thing.

Jeffrey is on the mend.  Needless to say, he’s tired, but he’s taking it all a day a time.

It was great to have my Mom here for a few days, and get caught up!!

I hope you’re all having an awesome weekend!!

hugs

Randy