I strive to stay as positive as I can and when I have moments other than that, I go back and re-read so many of your emails and Facebook messages. However, The past 48 hours have not been stellar by any means. Since this whole journey began, I have had times of sadness but nothing prepared me for what the past 48 hours brought.
Sorry for this being a “downer” post, but to be honest, there is nothing fun about going through chemotherapy. I had been lucky so far and really spared some of the nasty side affects. Some of you reading this who have been through this process will understand, and for those of you who never have, and I hope with everything I have, you never will have to know, this is not fun at all.
As I mentioned in my last post Neulasta although a wonderful drug, can beat you up and literally make your bones and muscles hurt. Think of someone hitting you with a baseball bat, and that’s about what I felt like. I know it’s all for building my immunity, but it was tough. This was the first time (my third shot) that I felt the effects. The other two really made me feel like I did the day after I ran a marathon!!
I went to work on Tuesday, because that’s how I roll….but, left early, feeling quite crappy. Everyone at work were amazed I was there, and quickly sent me home. Yesterday I stayed home. The Neulasta pain was replaced with a fatigue and general malais that knocked me off my socks. For those of you who know me well…you know I’m not one to sit on my butt. But yesterday, even sitting was challenging 😦 . I know know what people were talking about, the fatigue, the lack of being able to do anything, everything just not right, even talking was a challenge. I let Richard, Carly & Hailey be my caregivers. Talk about role reversal. I literally had no choice, and am grateful they were such good “nurses”
I do feel better today, and yes, I went to work, but I’m pretty tired still, and will get to bed early tonight.
I’m now done the first 3 chemo of FEC, and on July 5th will start Doxitaxol, along with Herceptin. Everyone keeps warning me that this is a tougher drug. But, I have no choice, that’s somehthing that breast cancer took away from me. My only choice is to let the Doctors and Nurses do what they have to, and try and take as good care of myself as I can. I’m trying really hard to do that.
Right now it’s difficult to imagine it getting worse, but the reality is that it could.
so, I’m trying to stand by my motto…a step, a day at a time, and trying not to look ahead.