I strive to stay as positive as I can and when I have moments other than that, I go back and re-read so many of your emails and Facebook messages. However, The past 48 hours have not been stellar by any means. Since this whole journey began, I have had times of sadness but nothing prepared me for what the past 48 hours brought.
Sorry for this being a “downer” post, but to be honest, there is nothing fun about going through chemotherapy. I had been lucky so far and really spared some of the nasty side affects. Some of you reading this who have been through this process will understand, and for those of you who never have, and I hope with everything I have, you never will have to know, this is not fun at all.
As I mentioned in my last post Neulasta although a wonderful drug, can beat you up and literally make your bones and muscles hurt. Think of someone hitting you with a baseball bat, and that’s about what I felt like. I know it’s all for building my immunity, but it was tough. This was the first time (my third shot) that I felt the effects. The other two really made me feel like I did the day after I ran a marathon!!
I went to work on Tuesday, because that’s how I roll….but, left early, feeling quite crappy. Everyone at work were amazed I was there, and quickly sent me home. Yesterday I stayed home. The Neulasta pain was replaced with a fatigue and general malais that knocked me off my socks. For those of you who know me well…you know I’m not one to sit on my butt. But yesterday, even sitting was challenging 😦 . I know know what people were talking about, the fatigue, the lack of being able to do anything, everything just not right, even talking was a challenge. I let Richard, Carly & Hailey be my caregivers. Talk about role reversal. I literally had no choice, and am grateful they were such good “nurses”
I do feel better today, and yes, I went to work, but I’m pretty tired still, and will get to bed early tonight.
I’m now done the first 3 chemo of FEC, and on July 5th will start Doxitaxol, along with Herceptin. Everyone keeps warning me that this is a tougher drug. But, I have no choice, that’s somehthing that breast cancer took away from me. My only choice is to let the Doctors and Nurses do what they have to, and try and take as good care of myself as I can. I’m trying really hard to do that.
Right now it’s difficult to imagine it getting worse, but the reality is that it could.
so, I’m trying to stand by my motto…a step, a day at a time, and trying not to look ahead.
Hugs, hugs and more hugs. I am here for you! I wish I could share your pain to take some of this burden off of you. Let Richard and the girls be your nurses until you’re ready to roll again, there is NOTHING more important than YOU right now.
Thanks for the hugs and friendship Kathleen!!
I cant say i know what your going through, but know exactly how it feels to watch and know someone go through this “shit” pain and theres nothing I can really do to help, but keep you in my thoughts a prayers. Just know that you are loved and thought of and hope you can stay strong, and when you cant your family and friends will be there to try and help all they can, thinking of you…
thanks so much Christine!
Randy…it’s OK to have a downer now and then and I hope writing this post at least helped you feel better emotionally and mentally if not physically. You have so many friends and family thinking of you and taking this journey with you, albeit from the sidelines, that I hope you know we are all thinking of you and sending the positive vibes you need to get you through this.
Take full advantage of the role-reversal care from Richard, Carly and Hailey and rest as much as you can. It’s your turn and it won’t be long before you’re back in your old role.
Hugs my friend. Stay strong!
PS: Did I say how much I love my pink ribbon Shamballa bracelet?
It did help, and so does hearing from you and so many others.
thank you! Glad you love the bracelet!
You are one tough lady but you don’t have to be 100% of the time. There is light at the end of the tunnel and it can be dark sometimes. But it is coming. Also sending big hugs your way and warm thoughts. ❤
Thanks Bev…looking forward to the light! Hugs are great!
Randy, you are the most amazing women on earth and you have done more than you can ever imagine both for your family and friends. You now need to be pampered a little as well. Allow Richard and your daughters to help you in every way that they can and don’t feel bad. Your family appreciates all that you have done for them and trust me, I know you have done a lot. You just sit back and relax and try your best to be strong. Think of your mom when she went through it and you to can do it. Your just as strong as your precious mom. There will be good days and bad days but in the end you will be back to normal. Love you, big hugs and kisses to my Gem Randy.
Hang in there Randy, you’ve done amazingly well from the start. I hope this last run won’t knock you down for too long. The bad part is almost over, and keep in mind you have a hugh team of well wishers behind you. Dana
thanks Dana, I’d love to think the bad part is almost over, but the reality it’s only half way….so keep those good wishes coming.
Randy, always remember quitter never win and winners never quit!
You are a “Winner” and you will beat this and live a long and productive life with your family!
We wish you the very best and a speedy recovery one day at a time!
Sheldon Zamick and family
Thank-you! A day at a time.
Randy you are an inspiration, I have nothing to offer other than positive thoughts and healing prayers.
Hopefully I can meet you when I do the Weekend To End Women’s Cancers Walk this Sept.
I hope so to Cindy! thank-you, your positive thought and healing prayers are exactly what I need right now.
I’m sending your bracelet to you tomorrow 🙂
I am so sorry to read that you got knocked on your butt like that. Please know that you can call me anytime and I will come running (although very slowly).
Thanks Lisa….I would love to go for a walk on Sat…might be a slow one.
randy……I know exactly what you feel like…..and you certainly don’t have to apologise for anything…..you deserve to have your family take care of you for a change…..and please use all the other help that you are offered as well…….chemo is an ugly thing but if that allows a person to enjoy other milestones in life……then it is worth it right? please be strong as I know you are……and you will get through this…… love to you from me…… Jane
thank you Jane!! ❤
I am so glad you didn’t feel like this from the start but maybe this is a gradual thing, helping you to prepare for the next hill. You know its going to be rough but you can and will do it!
Now is the time to rest and get ready for the next stage, Take some me days just because, because there are going to be some days you don’t have a say! As you now realize your body will force you to stop and rest while it heals.
You have so many people behind you and such a wonderful support group of family and friends. The care packages, dinners etc will also allow you to not have to worry about the regular daily things. And pretty soon, when its all said and done you will be happy to have to deal with those chores.
I wish I could do more for you, if there is anything at all please ask. And take everyone else up on their offers. I know if the shoe was on the other foot, you would be the first person at their doors offering help or even just a shoulder when needed.
Take care, we are all thinking of you!
thanks Louise, you know you do so much to help me through this, and I know you’re always there, beyond words what that means to me.
I know, I just have to listen and not try and be “so strong” all the time. I think I’ve learned that I need to take it easy, it’s just a hard thing to do.
Just a note to say I’m thinking of you and following you through your journey and recovery. Yes, I’m calling it recovery right from the start. I’ve ordered pink ribbons from your site, and was so happy for your quick service and friendly replies to any email query I had. A couple of weeks ago, my walking team and I raised $340 at a garage sale for our walking team for WteWC, and this weekend we are at another local community sale selling more goods to raise money for our team. I’ll keep doing what I can to help the Princess Margaret with their research, and reading about your journey just reminds me of the importance of this charity and my involvement in it. I’m a stranger to you, but I wanted to say that I am thinking of you, and am sending you any positivity I can through the screen. Best wishes!
COngratulations on your fundraising, and so happy I was able to be a part of that.
I’ve “met” so many people through TPD, and everyone has been so wonderful to me, and I appreciate every positive vibe sent.
TPD is open for business, now more than ever! so please if you need anything, just let me know
Hi Randy, you probably don’t remember me, I wrote you a message about Blue Jay tickets and wanted to be there to see you throw the first pitch. We did come and had a great night. You came up to the stands to see all the friends that came to support you that night. You seemed busy so I didn’t get a chance to introduce myself and my daughter. If you would like to see what we look like, my daughter and I are one the home page of endcancer.ca. I just wanted to say to you the four words I say to people that I know who have been battling this disease Faith, courage, strength and hope. I have faith in you to fight this, you have the courage to fight, your family will give you the strength, and everyone has high hopes for you!!! The fifth word would have been Love but I know that you are surrounded with plenty of that!!! Our thoughts and prayers are with you!!
Elena and Lucia Scivoletto
such a beautiful picture of you and your daughter, thanks for letting me know that was you both. I’m sorry I didn’t get a chance to meet you at the game, it was a little crazy, hopefully I’ll get to meet you at the walk this year.
Thanks for sharing those 5 words, in so many ways they have become my mantra through all this.
I am feeling much better today…all the positive energy around me worked.
Please stay in touch
Randy I know this has been a very hard week for you. I am sending you my love & lots of hugs. Please take time for yourself & don’t push it. Try to make it easier for yourself
Mom, yes, it’s been a really tough few days, I’m feeling better today and hopefully the worst of #3 is over. Looking forward to feeling like myself again when you come next week.
Randy, I have been there and the Neulasta pain was horrible. But I’m a two year survivor and grateful to be here to cheer you on. Never mind one day at a time, sometimes we need to get through the next hour. Prayers for you my fellow warrior.
Hi Susanne…yes, sometimes it really is a momenet at a time…I’m doing better today, thank you!!!
You are wraped in the arms of love. So many ppl thinking about you …. each and everyone love you genuinely….. sending my hugs as well….. You WILL get thru this….. love you girl Landis
feeling the love Landis!
You are one very strong lady! You are allowed to have days when you feel bad and let others take care of you! You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Thanks so much Liz…I’m doing much better today 🙂
Darling you are soo strong! And you will get thru this! Let all the people around you support you – and you are great to share this journey! We are all cheering you on! Xoxoxod
Randy, we really appreciate how candid you are and honest about what you are going through – just wish it was better for you. However, you are a strong woman and are going to make it through all of this – Go Randy!!!!!
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